Wednesday, 4 April 2012

Gay Whine

Recently I've felt a large disconnect with the gay community, but I’ve also been feeling that I don’t want to be part of it either and sometimes I want to distance myself further as there are things that lately I'm just finding really off-putting.

Queer bait. Be honest. It's the only reason you're here.

An example I can call on is that I see photos from local gay clubs on Facebook and I'm put off by what I see.  Guys living up to all the negative stereotypes that are out there; the Lady GaGa hand gestures, the fake tan, the eyebrows plucked beyond recognition, the cross dressing, the stench of Jean Paul Gaultier's "Le Male" (it's that strong I can smell it in the pictures) and a plethora of other nonsense that I want no part of.  On a local scale it seems most people in those photos I've had some dealing with; some pleasant, most less so and everyone seems to know everyone. When I was more inclined to go to gay places I did find after a while everyone knew all of my business all the time and this is something I just found unpleasant. Especially when the things I was supposed to be involved with started to become fictional.

Another example is Twitter. It seems that there are more than enough gay guys on twitter who have nothing to offer intellectually but attempt to make up for it with an abundance of topless or otherwise risqué photos (and a perplexing need to be constantly updating their whereabouts on Foursquare). Something I find particularly classless is #nakedsunday. The concept is that you tweet a photo of yourself in the nude, for all the world to see with the hash tag nakedsunday. Usually an attempt to get attention from other guys on Twitter. You could interpret my dislike of this as jealousy and I'd agree in part. I’m sure the seeds of it are rooted firmly there, but you have to ask yourself the question if you do partake in this “What am I saying about myself?”. To strangers no less. I’m no prude, don’t get me wrong, with the right people I’m pretty open minded but with all and sundry on the internet I’ll keep some of myself private. I’d rather they make an assumption of me based on what is in my mind, from this blog from example than a photo of me in my pants.

Then there's Grindr and gay dating sites. I've written before a lot about Grindr and my problems with it so I won't go into too much detail repeating myself but the whole concept really does the gay community no favours for dispelling the promiscuity stereotype. I could switch it on now and (without tooting my own horn) within an few minutes have offers of sex from any number of train wrecks.

Because of things like the examples above I don’t like gay people en masse (as a sweeping generalisation) and the stereotypes that a lot of them do nothing to erase. I do have a lot of gay friends and I do like gay people in small groups. The gay guys who I am friends with I do cherish and most of them do like to go to gay places, I don’t begrudge them that but it just isn’t for me.

I don't want to be perceived as a self hating gay man, it simply isn't true. I'm not a self hating gay at all, I'm very proud to be a gay man. I'm proud of who I am, what I've achieved and what I've overcome in my life. I was having a conversation with a friend of mine (who I am convinced is a previous regeneration of me) and we agree that while we are happy being gay, it is not the only thing about us. It doesn't define us. I think that there are too many gay guys who haven't bothered to get to know themselves or heaven forbid have nothing interesting about them aside from the fact they like trouser snake and rely on homosexuality as some sort of personality deficit buffer.

1 comment:

Tim said...

I'm not gay so if I read this removing the word gay I can totally relate, eg:

"I see photos from local clubs on Facebook and I'm put off by what I see".

I put it down to the fact that I'm now 30 and becoming a grumpy old man. I quite like it.