An example of how stupid this meat sack is; I sent him very basic instructions on where to find and how to install Adobe Report Builder (an Excel plugin), with a clear sentence stating “if the link doesn't work, type in the top left search box ‘report builder’”. He replied saying that the link didn't work, could I do it for him. (See email chain below)
|Click to make larger.|
Working with this exceptionally stupid person I have picked up some of his tricks to avoid responsibility and accountability which I shall translate for you now.
1) “It’s my understanding that”
“I have no understanding of this subject, but not knowing anything about something has never stopped me having an opinion before.” He uses this phrase a lot, it usually precedes something so spectacularly inaccurate that one winces when it hits the ears. It’s obvious this moron has been to a lot of marketing events and picked up a lot of buzz words that he likes to drop in his sentences because he likes to sound intelligent. He doesn't. He sounds like a turd.
2) “I’d like you to take ownership”
“I want you to do this for me.” He says this a lot. He’s online acquisition manager, yet he has another agency do all of his advertising, SEO, display and affiliate marketing, we do the analytics and strategy so it does beg the question; what the fuck does he actually do?
3) “I’d like to partner with you”
“I want you to do this for me”. Another sneaky way of him doing none to very little work. This variation means that he intends to take half or more of the credit for the work, if it goes his way.
4) “Could you run us through this”
“I didn't read it, I’m not going to read it. I want you to read it to me and explain it to me as simply as you can, possibly using sock puppets”. Sometimes working in digital you have to deal with some long winded technical information. In this example I sent him a usability audit of their site. I proof read this document several times, sent it back to the author for revisions to make it more readable and easy to understand as I know he is a lazy son of a bitch and I wanted to remove all hurdles that could make him put it down and lose interest. I emailed it to him and waited for feedback. For two weeks. I chased and heard nothing. When he came in yesterday for a meeting I asked what he thought of it and it turned out he hadn't read it and wanted the author of the document to come in person to their offices and present it to them. Utterly infuriating and not going to happen, the author is in the USA.
I came across his LinkedIn profile and found the following listed under his current role:
All Acquistion channels
User journey/conversion rates
Of that rather detailed and impressive summary of his role let’s review what he actually does:
All Acquisition (I'll correct his spelling of the word here) channels – I thought your job title was Online Acquisition Manager. Are you claiming credit for offline too now?
User journey/conversion rates – Nope, afraid that’s me.
Web Analytics – Knock knock, me again.
Budgets – I’ll let you have that one as you do have to pay the agencies that do your work for you.
Strategy – If you had an original idea it would die of loneliness. We’ve come up with your entire roadmap for the next year.
I don’t understand how this dullard is employed as anything.
This all may seem rather personal and quite frankly it is. I suppose what I’m getting at is when I ask for more information when you send me an email saying “this doesn't look right” don’t copy in my manager, the senior partners of the agency saying questions like that “damage your credibility”. You fucking illiterate, unorganised, lazy, work shy, slopey-shouldered cunt.
I suppose I shouldn't get too worked up, he’s barely been in a role longer than 7 months so he’s long overdue a firing.