Friday, 17 April 2015

Have Mitchell & Webb Predicted The End of Days?

During my recent sabbatical I could have squandered my time off on going to the gym, getting in shape or writing jokes for my incredibly successful YouTube news show. However I've been focusing more on important things that may have been overlooked by less observant people than I.

It is in one of my old DVD viewing sessions I stumbled across this:

Pretty quick on the ball I thought. Then wondered how quick on the ball. That episode was first broadcast in March 2008. Jimmy Saville didn't die until October 2011 and after that date is when the sex abuse allegations started hitting the headlines.

Or this clip (at 14:09) which prophesied the Ebola nonsense that nearly killed all of us a few months ago?

Or the crippling reliance the media has on getting people to engage with the puerile shit they call news?

I for one hope it's all a coincidence and the Myth Child is wrong in his predictions. As I do not want to live in the world after the event occurs.

Remain indoors.

Sunday, 5 April 2015


"I don't like black people" - Tim Minchin

That piece of information on it's own is enough to generate a reaction isn't it? What a loathsome vile piece of shit Tim Minchin is right?

Of course it's not that cut and dry, it's from a song Tim Minchin has written about the importance of context. Listen to the song, it's great as is everything the very talented Tim Minchin does.

The point I'm shuffling towards like a proverbial literary zombie is that more often than not people are incredibly quick to share something on social media without really doing any form of homework beforehand to check that what they are sharing is A) Accurate and B) Accurate in the context it was originally meant.

Case in point a little clip that has gone viral this week of some black guys seemingly picking on a transgender individual where they are pushed to a point, then snaps and lashes out defending themselves.


Above is the clip that is doing the rounds, it's taken from a much longer clip (below)

My issues with this are as follows:

1) The video is titled a "social experiment" but in the description it makes no effort to explain what the hypothesis of the experiment is. Are we expecting people to defend the transgender individual? Nothing.

2) The trans individual is quite obviously mean to be a joke.

3) No one comes off well here. Are we expected to believe that all trans people are out to wind "normals" up? Are we expected to believe that all black people are the ones who are going to start trouble with this? Are we expected to believe that no one will come to help people being victimised? Are we expected to believe that when pushed far enough trans people will come out swinging?

The whole thing is an obvious attempt to have a cheap laugh at someone's expense except due to the poor writing and lack of planning beforehand it's not entirely transparent who I'm supposed to be laughing at. So I'll place my money on the "creative" minds at Trollstation. Well done, you've shown just how easy it is to make yourself look like an ass clown who does nothing to promote the betterment of mankind.

Or maybe I'm just taking this all too seriously as you know, men dressed as women is so fucking cutting edge, innovative and hilarious.

Tuesday, 31 March 2015

Hair > Election?

During a BBC News interview yesterday about young people voting they had two young people to talk about different views and represent different slices of young people. With almost no surprise the media (well, The Metro which I suppose qualifies) and Twitter have entirely missed the point.

The original image below tweeted by an ITV news reporter who frankly should know better than trying to incite this level of negativity.

The point I suppose this segment was trying to make was that they want young people to go out and register to get their voices heard and if they weren't going to do so why no. Etc. Etc. But I suppose this whole segment was an exercise in futility as to and already disengaged, disinterested public these two guys could have been anyone really and the outcome would have been the same. Negative Twitter comments.

The actual issue isn't a new one. People would rather make fun of someone's hair or how they look than bother with politics as there's little to no chance by voting of invoking actual change by voting. Politicians are massively corrupt, this isn't news but until the system itself changes you're always going to get this kind of reaction.

I think one of the saddest things about this in particular is that the people replying to this picture with their negative and quite frankly bullying comments, aren't even young people lashing out that they're being misrepresented or pigeon holed as I suspected it may have been. It's middle aged nobodies who follow this ITV news reporter.

Like this woman who graduated from the Myspace school of trying to hide how tubby and wrinkly you are by photographing from above:

Some stellar banter from J-P Stacey who looks like he'd be getting a knock from operation yewtree any moment now:

Or this one, nothing like a failed sci-fi writer to try incite violence. Wonder what your wife Zoe thinks about you promoting violence against a 19 year old?

Surely Jane Steger-Lewis knows better than to jump on a bullying bandwagon, oh wait she works for a newspaper too. So obviously has no concept of decency.

What a spectacular shower of middle aged cunts.

Wednesday, 11 March 2015

How To Phone Hack and How To Prevent Phone Hacking

Phone hacking is back in the news this week and it’s making a lot of celebrities and normals like you a little nervous too.

I image searched phone hacking and I refuse to use a picture of
some cunt in a balaclava on the phone so here's a puppy and a kitten.

I think the term ‘hacking’ may be giving too much credit to technical expertise of the scumbag journalists undertaking it, as it’s incredibly simple to do and it’s incredibly simple to prevent.

So Joey, you magnificent bastard, how do you phone hack?

Phone hacking is the equivalent of leaving your key in the door. Did you know you can access your voicemails not using your mobile? Well you can. Your mobile phone service provider will have a number you can call from a landline:

For EE: 07953 222 222
For Orange: 07973 100 123
For T-Mobile: Call your own number and press # and enter your PIN.
For Vodafone: 0414 121 121
For Three: 07782 333 123
For O2: Call your own number and press * and enter your PIN.

From there enter your number if applicable, then enter a PIN or if you're an unscrupulous journalist for a scumbag tabloid newspaper enter the default PIN and Bob's your uncle.

Unfortunately most mobile service providers set a default (they can be found online rather easily) and it's this take makes 'hacking' voicemails as easy as taking candy from a baby that doesn't like candy.

You wouldn't leave your key in the door so go now and change your sodding voicemail pin!

Monday, 9 March 2015

Fury over misuse of the word 'fury'.

The monkeys working the type writers at The Daily Mail need to invest in both a dictionary and a thesaurus as it seems the word ‘fury’ is both overused and entirely misused. The Oxford English Dictionary defines fury as “wild or violent anger” and the Cambridge Dictionary defining it as “Extreme Anger”.

If you search for the word ‘fury’ on the Daily Mail site as of 2nd March 2015 there are 12,409 articles. That’s a lot of violent, extreme anger!

However if you're unfortunate enough to have read some of the articles you can see that fury has nothing to do with the story at all and it's just a case of needless click baiting. Have you ever seen a genuinely furious parent with machete in hand storm the school gates to drag a teacher into the playground and behead them because their child got suspended for having a haircut against the rules?



Utter nonsense and drivel, and that's just from the first couple of pages of fury search results. These people aren't furious. They're mildly annoyed, irked, pissed off, perturbed, cheesed, miffed, bothered, or offended. At best. A tip from me, a mere blog writer to the mighty "journalists" of the Daily Mail. Expand your vocabulary, you look like morons.

Wednesday, 25 February 2015

Did The Oracle See This Coming?

Would the last shop to leave the Oracle turn the lights off when they go?

I don’t know what’s going on lately at The Oracle shopping centre in Reading but it's slowly becoming a ghost town.

When I'm gone

When I'm gone

You're gonna miss me when I'm gone.

You're gonna miss me by my hair

You're gonna miss me everywhere, oh 
You're gonna miss me when I'm gone

If the Oracle management don't pull their finger our soon it'll turn into renown crap hole and 'Reading's favourite Shopping Centre' The Broad Street Mall. On a side note I have no idea what reprobates they surveyed for that distinction as The BSM is a dank urine soaked hell hole that I dare not set foot in.

They've lost Mamas and Papas, La Senza, an opticians and a few other stores so that there now sits some 7 empty units. I'm wondering what the management of The Oracle are doing to get new businesses in. There's loads of chains that I'd love to have in Reading. All Saints perhaps? Or how about Urban Outfitters?

What shops would you like to see at The Oracle?

Thursday, 19 February 2015

Even more phrases, words (and a hairstyle) that need to die.

Part 1, Part 2 and Part 3

1) “The Boy”
There are only two people that can use this phrase. Slave owners and Zapp Brannigan. Slavery was abolished in Britain in 1833. You don’t own your partner and even if you did, I presume they’re over the age of consent (16 in the UK) so aren't they legally a man? Stop using this phrase now. Unless you’re a slaving owning paedophile toucher nonce.

2) “Bae”
Go away. Wipe your genetic material from the Earth, you have nothing to offer mankind. You are an evolutionary stumble.

3) Top Knots.
I can’t fathom as to why anyone thinks this is a good look. Tied up you look like the guy from the end of Beetlejuice:

Let down it looks like you’re trying your best to copy Ralph Wiggum. Enough. Get a proper hair cut.

Trend Setter.